To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize