Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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