3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
