the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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