I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
