He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
