I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
this beer tastes like vomit already
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
