I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
