did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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