Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
