can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize