That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
