I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Randomize
