There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
