no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
