I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
