I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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