He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
