Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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