ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
