I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
