sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
