i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
