so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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