it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
