I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
