Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
