the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
