Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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