I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
