guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
