just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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