hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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