Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
