thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
