im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
