I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize