We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Who died my cat blue again?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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