My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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