Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
