Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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