i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
