i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
