Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
