yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
