I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
