I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
