I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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