The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
