Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
