is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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