i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
