Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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