Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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