before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
