Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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