I faked an abortion last night.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
