2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
