I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize