Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
