Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
