it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
