i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
