Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
