I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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