remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
