is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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