I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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