This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
