Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
