Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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