did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
