be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
