i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize